I didn't even expect to be one of the 10 girls chosen to compete in my state heat... but I was.
The competition day arrived far sooner than I expected. I was there for a bit of fun, and hoping to meet some of the other ladies on the Perth burlesque scene. As far as I was concerned, that was it for me. I certainly didn't expect to go through to the final round as one of the top 4 in my state... but I did.
Unfortunately, this lack of belief in myself lead to a lack of preparation for the final choreography round. I remember scanning the overcrowded dressing room when the first 3 names of the Perth finalists had been announced, wondering which of the pretty and anxious girls would be the final contender. I was ready to relax, peel off the false eyelashes, go out into the audience and watch the final 4. I'd even swapped my lacy burly-q knickers for my unfavorable white bonds and downed my first absinthe. I was convinced that I had done my dash for the night.
I very nearly blanked out when they read my name as the 4th girl through to the final round.
I had some vague semblance of a routine up my sleeve. By which I mean I had a music track ready to go. The rest of it I'd left to chance. The chance that I wouldn't get through, and thus wouldn't need a costume, or a prop or any choreography. I was frantic. I even offered my spot in the final round to a fellow performer who I felt was more deserving.
With encouragement from some lovely girls backstage ( including the promotor herself) , and a donated hat from an unknown gentleman in the audience, I took to the stage and gave the most dismal, disappointing and poorly costumed performance of my life. I must have high kicked at least 20 times, and by the time I took that first layer off I still had 2 minutes of Barry Mannilow's 'Copacobana' to get through.
Seriously, If there was a fringe theatre hell, I was in it, and Mr Mannilow was right there with me.
Coming off stage, the initial buzz I''d felt for making it so far was killed by a sense of embarrassment and frustration that I hadn't invested more in myself as a performer and prepared. The crown went to some amazing high calibre performers and I left with my tail between my legs, too ashamed to even stick around for the post-show drinks.
I swore I wouldn't do it all again....but I am. I've just submitted my application for Miss burlesque Australia 2011.
This year that 3rd routine will be choreographed, designed and rehearsed within an inch of its swarovski encrusted life. I am not banking on getting through to the final round this time either, but if by some cosmic shift of the gods that does happen again, there will be no freak out. I'll be ready.
My decision to enter this year is a somewhat weighted one. It wasn't on a whim, and I've given it a lot of significance. This years competition is all about having faith in myself as a performer. Taking the feedback I've received in the past year, and addressing the weak points I already knew existed. Its about trying some things i've never been brave enough or confident enough to try, like taking off my corset and prancing in pasties.
Its also about punching myself hard in the boob if I start to fill my head with negative self persuasion, which I am very often inclined to. I did it before, so why can't I do it again, right?
Today I started training with ex Miss Australia and ex gladiator (eep) Barbara Kendall. The decision to see a personal trainer came a long long time before the decision to enter the competition, but only solidified my new found belief in my ability to pull it off.
She calls herself a results coach, and stands behind her program with a 100% guarantee. She was warm, confident, full of feminine prowess and most importantly, she is willing to work with me on my mindset, my nutrition AND my physicality. She said she would not take me on as a client if I couldn't promise her 10 out of 10 commitment, but she had me so inspired and convinced by the end of our appointment, I promised her 11/10.
I am feeling so positive abut my ability to change my body, my mindset, and my approach to performance with her help, and last years unfavorable experience under my belt.
I start my body transformation and nutrition program with Barbara on Monday. She has told me to come armed to my next consultation with a tiny bikini for my 'before' photo. The same bikini I want to be wearing in my after photo 10 weeks down the track. Never before have I felt so excited to stand in front of a near stranger in a string bikini. Its insane.
This year, I'm going to dance without a corset. I'm going prance around in my pasties without doing so in the last 10 seconds of my show . I'm going to be able to shake the shit out of it like some kind of rabid voodoo lady, because I'll be where I want to be.
All glammed up and ready to fight!
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